As my dad faces his third surgery in 7 months, my life is only going to get more overwhelming than it already is. And with that, I'd like to tell everyone that I have no time for drama. If you need to pick a fight with me, I'm not gonna take the bait, you go ahead & have one with yourself; I'll just back off. I simply don't have the energy nor the focus to care for anything but my family. I doubt I've really pissed anyone off in the past couple of months, but if I have, that's only 'cause I don't give a shit to please everyone else while having a family crisis. I'm already trying my ass off to stay positive so I can influence my pessimistic parents to do the same. Never for a second did I think of giving up, as these are the most important people in my life. And I don't need any negativity from other sources ruining that for me.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank those who have been great to me all these months. I really don't think I seeked as much support as I could've/should've but what I got was enough to keep me sane. Don't think you didn't help just 'cause you never explicity said "Hang in there" or other words of encouragement...sometimes, chats about the silliest of things reinstated my belief that life always has a lighter side to it.

Vigilance
I hate it when I can't fall asleep. Mostly 'cause it rarely happens...when it does, however, it usually means I'm at an emotional extreme: euphoric, distraught, nervous, or excited. Tonight, it's none of the above. I definitely have things on my mind, but nothing that comes off as new. As the time approaches I'm filled with dread, anxiety, anticipation, & hope...the attached "What if"s are too big & too scary for me to dare to picture. My way of staying happy is to never worry about things that I can't control - and so far, I've done pretty well. But there are still times where I get so wrapped up by the enormity of it all I can't pull myself out...
I don't need someone to save me, or even someone to tell me everything will be okay...I know they will be. What I need, is someone who's there to listen; someone who manages to catch me at my very short moments of dependency.
P.S. Merry Christmas everyone. =)