5.27.2004
From Dusk 'Till Dawn
After living in the same room for 10 years, you can pretty much tell time without actually checking a clock. You can get a good sense of what hour it is from the shade of the sun (or the lack thereof), the angle of your shadow, the singing birds outside...etc. Which is why nowadays I'm having such trouble telling time when I'm half awake in bed; I always, ALWAYS have to look at my alarm clock. And most of the time, I'll be in disbelief. "This does NOT feel like 10 o'clock", I'd say...& then I'd realize I'm in a totally different room, facing a totally different direction (now north, as opposed to east...one can only imagine how bright my room was back then when the sun rose), & just surrounded by a different environment altogether. Such independence from any time-telling device was one thing that I did not expect to forfeit after the move. Need to get it back asap. Maybe I can speed up the process by staying in my room all the time...=P
After living in the same room for 10 years, you can pretty much tell time without actually checking a clock. You can get a good sense of what hour it is from the shade of the sun (or the lack thereof), the angle of your shadow, the singing birds outside...etc. Which is why nowadays I'm having such trouble telling time when I'm half awake in bed; I always, ALWAYS have to look at my alarm clock. And most of the time, I'll be in disbelief. "This does NOT feel like 10 o'clock", I'd say...& then I'd realize I'm in a totally different room, facing a totally different direction (now north, as opposed to east...one can only imagine how bright my room was back then when the sun rose), & just surrounded by a different environment altogether. Such independence from any time-telling device was one thing that I did not expect to forfeit after the move. Need to get it back asap. Maybe I can speed up the process by staying in my room all the time...=P
5.25.2004
Mad About You
This idea came to me while I was semi-conscious...ironically that seems to be the time when my mind is the clearest. =P Anyway, I was thinking that when you want to show someone your appreciation, you can always give a card that says "Thank you" or "You've been a great friend". Now then, what if you want to punctuate your bitterness, or better yet, anger?? Where's the card that says "Fuck off", "You used me", & "I don't want to talk to you ever again"??
This idea came to me while I was semi-conscious...ironically that seems to be the time when my mind is the clearest. =P Anyway, I was thinking that when you want to show someone your appreciation, you can always give a card that says "Thank you" or "You've been a great friend". Now then, what if you want to punctuate your bitterness, or better yet, anger?? Where's the card that says "Fuck off", "You used me", & "I don't want to talk to you ever again"??
5.21.2004
The Grass Is Greener
(Written on 2 pieces of post-its on my first night at the new house)
It's 1:42 am right now, & despite the fact that I'm beat & I have to wake up at 8 tomorrow morning, I can't fall asleep. I guess it's the excitement...or not. Something is keeping me up, though I can't tell exactly what. Listening to Ayu's "Duty" (the album) at the moment...man it sure feels good to be able to play your music loud late at night (note: I could never do that in my old house because my room was too close to my parents')!! Just went out to the balcony barefooted, & ow, that floor tiling (which is still unfinished) is spikey. =\ Nothing really to see anyway since the sky's filled with clouds...
Wanna call somebody but all my friends are either sleeping or out of town...not necessarily feeling lonely, I guess I just want to share my experience/thoughts with someone. And since I can't go online, that's not very easy...
I love my room already, despite there's nothing but a mattress, a TV, a PS2, a heck load of boxes, & windows that are covered by black plastic garbage bags. One thing though - I just realized that my door doesn't have a lock. And considering that my parents never knock, that sure is gonna be quite inconvenient...
It just came to me that I haven't told a few of my friends when exactly I'm moving. They're probably wondering why the hell I'm not online right now, lol. Sorry guys, you'll have to find someone else to chat with for these few nights!! And oh, just so you know, I HAVE already moved. Just today actually. =P
(Written on 2 pieces of post-its on my first night at the new house)
It's 1:42 am right now, & despite the fact that I'm beat & I have to wake up at 8 tomorrow morning, I can't fall asleep. I guess it's the excitement...or not. Something is keeping me up, though I can't tell exactly what. Listening to Ayu's "Duty" (the album) at the moment...man it sure feels good to be able to play your music loud late at night (note: I could never do that in my old house because my room was too close to my parents')!! Just went out to the balcony barefooted, & ow, that floor tiling (which is still unfinished) is spikey. =\ Nothing really to see anyway since the sky's filled with clouds...
Wanna call somebody but all my friends are either sleeping or out of town...not necessarily feeling lonely, I guess I just want to share my experience/thoughts with someone. And since I can't go online, that's not very easy...
I love my room already, despite there's nothing but a mattress, a TV, a PS2, a heck load of boxes, & windows that are covered by black plastic garbage bags. One thing though - I just realized that my door doesn't have a lock. And considering that my parents never knock, that sure is gonna be quite inconvenient...
It just came to me that I haven't told a few of my friends when exactly I'm moving. They're probably wondering why the hell I'm not online right now, lol. Sorry guys, you'll have to find someone else to chat with for these few nights!! And oh, just so you know, I HAVE already moved. Just today actually. =P
5.19.2004
Time Goes By
A picture speaks a thousand words.
![[Back in December]](newhouse031220.jpg)
![[Today]](newhouse040519.jpg)
A picture speaks a thousand words.
![[Back in December]](./newhouse/01.jpg)
![[Today]](./newhouse/75.jpg)
I'm Gonna Miss...
...the garage door that never opens upon first pressing of the remote
...the über cool toilet that some refer to as "the King's throne"
...the jacuzzi bathtub that we never used
...the humungous, full-body mirror that I stand in front of for 15 minutes everyday before I go out
...the huge backyard that held hardly any activities/gatherings
...the nasty red carpet of my basement
...the washing machine that dirties more than it cleans
...the world-record worthy driveway
...the gigantic pinetree in our frontyard
...the ugly, brownish kitchen cabinets that never close properly
...the basketball net that was merely decoration
...the never cold enough A/C
...my door rim, which somehow, I always bump into
...how my room brights up to a blinding white every morning
...how I always have to wait for my mom to get out of the bathroom before I can shower
...running to catch the door everytime my parents get home
...the years of growing up in here
...the garage door that never opens upon first pressing of the remote
...the über cool toilet that some refer to as "the King's throne"
...the jacuzzi bathtub that we never used
...the humungous, full-body mirror that I stand in front of for 15 minutes everyday before I go out
...the huge backyard that held hardly any activities/gatherings
...the nasty red carpet of my basement
...the washing machine that dirties more than it cleans
...the world-record worthy driveway
...the gigantic pinetree in our frontyard
...the ugly, brownish kitchen cabinets that never close properly
...the basketball net that was merely decoration
...the never cold enough A/C
...my door rim, which somehow, I always bump into
...how my room brights up to a blinding white every morning
...how I always have to wait for my mom to get out of the bathroom before I can shower
...running to catch the door everytime my parents get home
...the years of growing up in here
5.18.2004
Priceless
Finally finished packing my room, so now I know what I'll be hand-carrying to the new place: my discman, my headphone, my CD pocket, my digital camera, my awards + certificates + medals (don't wanna lose them...x_x), my safe, my violin, my colognes (I just couldn't find anywhere else to put them), some clothes, AND a piece of "gold" that's really just a styrofoam brick covered with gold wrapping paper. Great story behind that one...
When I was in grade 5 (my last year of school in HK...it's really called primary 5 back there), all the students were responsible for an English play competition held at the end of the year. We were supposed to pick one of the stories from our textbook & act it out. I forgot who was in my group exactly...I don't even know if I got to choose or the teacher assigned them. Anyway, all I remember is that my best friends at the time, Jonathan & Jonah (lol counting me, the 3 J's), were working with me. Jonah, being the quiet strategist that he was, wrote the adapted screenplay. Jonathan, the Chinese Da Vinci (hehe), made backgrounds & other visual aids. I, for some reason (alright so it wasn't for no reason...I was the star of the class & my teacher's favourite...=P), was chosen to be the lead actor (now's the time for you to start laughing...xP). And my other great friend Eric was in charge of props. The story of the play was about a wealthy man who had 3 sons. Upon his death, he left his fortunes (in the form of gold bricks) evenly amongst them. However, the two eldest sons were not content with what they had...so they fought & even lured the 3rd son into giving his share to them. The 3rd son could care less, so he fulfilled his brothers' wish by relinquishing his share of wealth. The two brothers were exhilarated; they immediately went on a crazy shopping spree that soon caught the attention of a gang of thieves. One night, on their way home, the two brothers were robbed & killed.
So what happened to the 3rd son?? Well, he pursued his dreams of becoming an artist by working for his mentor. In the end, he tells his teacher, "I might have no money, but I have all the happiness I'd ever want." (something like that, I forgot the exact line, lol)
Despite how short the play may seem & how easy the dialogues were, the pressure really made it hard for us. Plus it wasn't easy for a bunch of 10 year-olds to organize everything by themselves; we simply had no experience!! Fortunately, we pulled through...though not without arguments or obstacles. Much to our surprise, we won (kicked the other 6 classes in the balls, wahaha). And to commemorate the victory (& all the hardwork related to it), we decided to each take a brick of the styrofoam gold & then autograph each other's. So here it is, 11 years later, still intact. Even though the ink might have faded a bit, the memories are still vivid in my mind. It is definitely, without dispute, my fondest memory of Raimondi.
P.S. I still remember that on the day of the performance I left my "costume" at home...I ended up having to wear something else that Jonathan brought along. xP
P.P.S. Oh btw, I played the 3rd son. I hope you guys got that, lol. And even though I only mentioned a few people, there were at least 10 of us in the group. Most of them played the gang, hahaha.
P.P.P.S. Sorry for the long posts lately...I just can't stop when it comes to sentimental things...
Finally finished packing my room, so now I know what I'll be hand-carrying to the new place: my discman, my headphone, my CD pocket, my digital camera, my awards + certificates + medals (don't wanna lose them...x_x), my safe, my violin, my colognes (I just couldn't find anywhere else to put them), some clothes, AND a piece of "gold" that's really just a styrofoam brick covered with gold wrapping paper. Great story behind that one...
When I was in grade 5 (my last year of school in HK...it's really called primary 5 back there), all the students were responsible for an English play competition held at the end of the year. We were supposed to pick one of the stories from our textbook & act it out. I forgot who was in my group exactly...I don't even know if I got to choose or the teacher assigned them. Anyway, all I remember is that my best friends at the time, Jonathan & Jonah (lol counting me, the 3 J's), were working with me. Jonah, being the quiet strategist that he was, wrote the adapted screenplay. Jonathan, the Chinese Da Vinci (hehe), made backgrounds & other visual aids. I, for some reason (alright so it wasn't for no reason...I was the star of the class & my teacher's favourite...=P), was chosen to be the lead actor (now's the time for you to start laughing...xP). And my other great friend Eric was in charge of props. The story of the play was about a wealthy man who had 3 sons. Upon his death, he left his fortunes (in the form of gold bricks) evenly amongst them. However, the two eldest sons were not content with what they had...so they fought & even lured the 3rd son into giving his share to them. The 3rd son could care less, so he fulfilled his brothers' wish by relinquishing his share of wealth. The two brothers were exhilarated; they immediately went on a crazy shopping spree that soon caught the attention of a gang of thieves. One night, on their way home, the two brothers were robbed & killed.
So what happened to the 3rd son?? Well, he pursued his dreams of becoming an artist by working for his mentor. In the end, he tells his teacher, "I might have no money, but I have all the happiness I'd ever want." (something like that, I forgot the exact line, lol)
Despite how short the play may seem & how easy the dialogues were, the pressure really made it hard for us. Plus it wasn't easy for a bunch of 10 year-olds to organize everything by themselves; we simply had no experience!! Fortunately, we pulled through...though not without arguments or obstacles. Much to our surprise, we won (kicked the other 6 classes in the balls, wahaha). And to commemorate the victory (& all the hardwork related to it), we decided to each take a brick of the styrofoam gold & then autograph each other's. So here it is, 11 years later, still intact. Even though the ink might have faded a bit, the memories are still vivid in my mind. It is definitely, without dispute, my fondest memory of Raimondi.
P.S. I still remember that on the day of the performance I left my "costume" at home...I ended up having to wear something else that Jonathan brought along. xP
P.P.S. Oh btw, I played the 3rd son. I hope you guys got that, lol. And even though I only mentioned a few people, there were at least 10 of us in the group. Most of them played the gang, hahaha.
P.P.P.S. Sorry for the long posts lately...I just can't stop when it comes to sentimental things...
5.17.2004
3064
My trip back to Campbell was great. Went w/ Jenn (who made me walk instead of drive...argh), got there around 3:50. First we went straight to the music office (through the side doors...I was scared that we'd get caught if we went in through the front, so...xP) & saw Paul immediately. Like always, he gave us his infamous bear hug that almost choked me to death. =P I think he got skinnier, but that was still quite a bit of flesh pressed against me (ick). He then asked us if we're staying for band, & we said yes, that was our original intention anyway. We got our instruments, & washed the mouth pieces (the soap is now yellow...it used to be orange!! I think), & just as I was ready to play...I COULDN'T MAKE A SOUND. xD For the next 5 minutes, I tried so hard to get a sound out of the flute, but I couldn't. How embarrassing/discouraging it was. I tried another flute to see if it was my problem, & apparently, it really was me (yikes!!). So I had no choice but to keep trying & see if somehow I could make noise outta it (yes, even noise would've been better than nothing). Turned the headpiece a lil (I have no idea why I didn't think of that earlier), & BAM!! Magic happened. Air simply wasn't going through the hole before, that's why I couldn't play. xP I had no trouble playing the B flat scale until I started hitting the high notes (the ear-piercing ones that the flute is infamous for). Tried to do it using the E flat scale instead, worked like a charm...
So everything seemed to be going well, I haven't lost too much of my touch. Went to practise the repertoire for a bit, & then we decided to walk around & talk to other old teachers of ours. As soon as we got to the pool, Radford came marching towards us. Being the silly Radford suckers that we are, we screamed out his name at an instant. xD He saw us, he was just as excited as we were, & we walked him to the main office & waited as he was finishing some work. Then we went back to his office, where I also met up w/ English (yes we had a teacher named that...& guess what he taught?? xD But I had him for politics instead...another great story to be shared later). He's very much the same, he went on to tell me about what's happened in the school since we graduated, & after 10 minutes or so we left after taking some pictures. Moved on to find Pienkowski (which was quite a task considering how FAR the math office is), & passed my locker along the way!! Man that was THE most crowded hallway of all. It would always take me forever to go back & get my stuff. EVERYTIME. Anyway...made it to the office w/o getting scolded, & we heard someone talking on the phone from outside. And I recognized it to be Pienkowski's voice, so I knocked, & as soon as he came out, I couldn't help but smirk cunningly (we go WAY back man, haha). He actually invited us INTO the office (for those who went to Campbell, you'd know that it's a taboo - NO ONE besides the teachers is to ever set foot in that holy place...I got yelled at once for moving one step too far in), where we had a very very nice chat. He's lost a bit of weight, but he's still got the geeky, sarcastic humour that was once the only thing I enjoyed from his math classes. More pictures, & then upon my request, we moved to our old math classroom for even MORE pictures. It looks exactly the same as when I left, just a bit smaller than I remembered...
By the time we were done, it was already 5:30 (band started at 4:30). It was then that I realized I was still very much afraid of Paul, even after all these years. xD I was so scared that he'd yell at me when I marched in an hour late, but surprisingly, he didn't. In fact, he introduced me to the band, & somehow I got applause. Played for maybe 20 minutes, & it was already time to go (I sat beside Joannie btw...my stand partner for God knows how long)!! Was a lil disappointed, but you know, it was my fault for being late...ended up talking to Paul & other graduates for a bit more in the office afterwards, took some horrendously stupid photos (come on, it's Paul), & decided to leave.
I'm glad I got to go back before I move out of Scarborough. Before I went I was afraid that it'd bring back the stigmas & traumas that I had there. But no, all I could remember was the good times. I guess I've grown - now I know what's really important to me. Unfortunately I didn't get to visit some other teachers that I wanted to see: Merenda, Zrichuk, Laing, Henry, Stewart...& then some. Maybe next time.
P.S. Pienkowski: "So are you married??"
Me: "Yes...to myself."
My trip back to Campbell was great. Went w/ Jenn (who made me walk instead of drive...argh), got there around 3:50. First we went straight to the music office (through the side doors...I was scared that we'd get caught if we went in through the front, so...xP) & saw Paul immediately. Like always, he gave us his infamous bear hug that almost choked me to death. =P I think he got skinnier, but that was still quite a bit of flesh pressed against me (ick). He then asked us if we're staying for band, & we said yes, that was our original intention anyway. We got our instruments, & washed the mouth pieces (the soap is now yellow...it used to be orange!! I think), & just as I was ready to play...I COULDN'T MAKE A SOUND. xD For the next 5 minutes, I tried so hard to get a sound out of the flute, but I couldn't. How embarrassing/discouraging it was. I tried another flute to see if it was my problem, & apparently, it really was me (yikes!!). So I had no choice but to keep trying & see if somehow I could make noise outta it (yes, even noise would've been better than nothing). Turned the headpiece a lil (I have no idea why I didn't think of that earlier), & BAM!! Magic happened. Air simply wasn't going through the hole before, that's why I couldn't play. xP I had no trouble playing the B flat scale until I started hitting the high notes (the ear-piercing ones that the flute is infamous for). Tried to do it using the E flat scale instead, worked like a charm...
So everything seemed to be going well, I haven't lost too much of my touch. Went to practise the repertoire for a bit, & then we decided to walk around & talk to other old teachers of ours. As soon as we got to the pool, Radford came marching towards us. Being the silly Radford suckers that we are, we screamed out his name at an instant. xD He saw us, he was just as excited as we were, & we walked him to the main office & waited as he was finishing some work. Then we went back to his office, where I also met up w/ English (yes we had a teacher named that...& guess what he taught?? xD But I had him for politics instead...another great story to be shared later). He's very much the same, he went on to tell me about what's happened in the school since we graduated, & after 10 minutes or so we left after taking some pictures. Moved on to find Pienkowski (which was quite a task considering how FAR the math office is), & passed my locker along the way!! Man that was THE most crowded hallway of all. It would always take me forever to go back & get my stuff. EVERYTIME. Anyway...made it to the office w/o getting scolded, & we heard someone talking on the phone from outside. And I recognized it to be Pienkowski's voice, so I knocked, & as soon as he came out, I couldn't help but smirk cunningly (we go WAY back man, haha). He actually invited us INTO the office (for those who went to Campbell, you'd know that it's a taboo - NO ONE besides the teachers is to ever set foot in that holy place...I got yelled at once for moving one step too far in), where we had a very very nice chat. He's lost a bit of weight, but he's still got the geeky, sarcastic humour that was once the only thing I enjoyed from his math classes. More pictures, & then upon my request, we moved to our old math classroom for even MORE pictures. It looks exactly the same as when I left, just a bit smaller than I remembered...
By the time we were done, it was already 5:30 (band started at 4:30). It was then that I realized I was still very much afraid of Paul, even after all these years. xD I was so scared that he'd yell at me when I marched in an hour late, but surprisingly, he didn't. In fact, he introduced me to the band, & somehow I got applause. Played for maybe 20 minutes, & it was already time to go (I sat beside Joannie btw...my stand partner for God knows how long)!! Was a lil disappointed, but you know, it was my fault for being late...ended up talking to Paul & other graduates for a bit more in the office afterwards, took some horrendously stupid photos (come on, it's Paul), & decided to leave.
I'm glad I got to go back before I move out of Scarborough. Before I went I was afraid that it'd bring back the stigmas & traumas that I had there. But no, all I could remember was the good times. I guess I've grown - now I know what's really important to me. Unfortunately I didn't get to visit some other teachers that I wanted to see: Merenda, Zrichuk, Laing, Henry, Stewart...& then some. Maybe next time.
P.S. Pienkowski: "So are you married??"
Me: "Yes...to myself."
5.14.2004
Rebound
Today was fantabulous. Didn't think it was possible after such a crappy week filled with such horrible events. Anyway, here are the highlights...
Saw Troy. The movie was okay, but something (well, someONE) really caught my attention. A new obsession if I might say. Ahhh. xD (everyone should've heard about it by now, heh heh)
Mick & BJ, thanks for such a great b-day present. I love it!! I especially liked the "card"...very original & charming. =) But seriously guys, it's time to GET OFF THE DRUGS, lol.
And last but not least...I'll be going back to my high school to play in band on Monday!! I haven't touched the flute in the longest time. I CAN'T WAIT. I better not suck though. Need to keep my reputation going...a few practices beforehand should go well. (yes, I was very much the band geek back in those days...treasurer of the music council, anyone?? xP)
Today was fantabulous. Didn't think it was possible after such a crappy week filled with such horrible events. Anyway, here are the highlights...
Saw Troy. The movie was okay, but something (well, someONE) really caught my attention. A new obsession if I might say. Ahhh. xD (everyone should've heard about it by now, heh heh)
Mick & BJ, thanks for such a great b-day present. I love it!! I especially liked the "card"...very original & charming. =) But seriously guys, it's time to GET OFF THE DRUGS, lol.
And last but not least...I'll be going back to my high school to play in band on Monday!! I haven't touched the flute in the longest time. I CAN'T WAIT. I better not suck though. Need to keep my reputation going...a few practices beforehand should go well. (yes, I was very much the band geek back in those days...treasurer of the music council, anyone?? xP)
5.13.2004
It Adds Up
Assuming that there are about 500 words on a single page of a Word document, that would mean I've written a friggin' 76-page essay??!!
Assuming that there are about 500 words on a single page of a Word document, that would mean I've written a friggin' 76-page essay??!!
5.11.2004
Maybe In Another 10 Years
There was this old, classic Friends episode where Rachel finally accepts Ross after watching the prom video & realizes how much he has done for her. I can't say I've done as much & I definitely have not liked you as long, but in the back of my mind I've always wondered: would you look at me differently if you knew??
There was this old, classic Friends episode where Rachel finally accepts Ross after watching the prom video & realizes how much he has done for her. I can't say I've done as much & I definitely have not liked you as long, but in the back of my mind I've always wondered: would you look at me differently if you knew??
5.10.2004
A Love Letter To...
My past
This might sound surprising to you, but it is in fact coming straight from my heart: I thought you two were gonna last forever. That's right, the eternal cynic actually saw in two individuals love that could pass the test of time. And of all people, these two were the ones who hurt him, betrayed him, & shamed him even when he was already left defenseless. You two were one of a kind...so alike, that I didn't think you could find anybody else who'd understand each other more. And that's why I was genuinely surprised when I found out that you guys are, well, no longer. I guess that means we can be friends again. Alright, so that was a lie...in the sense that, I never stopped considering you my friend. I just didn't see the point in us talking again - our lives have become so different & distinct ever since high school ended, that I don't think we can chatter the way we used to (re: the days when we would talk about absolutely nothing & everything on ICQ 'till 1 or 2 every night). Though I must say I do miss hanging out with you, 'cause we did have a lot of fun together. Sometimes I still want to have a chat or two just to let you know how I'm doing & have you do the same. Who knows, maybe in the near future, our paths will meet again, & you will see that I still care for you...just in a different way.
My present
Man, never have I worked so hard to be with somebody. There's one thing that you should know about me: I'm very, VERY easily deterred. If effort needs to be made to achieve something (especially in the course of love), I usually back out before you can say "go". But this time, despite not knowing where we are heading, or whether we are heading anywhere at all, I still went for it. So far, you've been a great sport & being with you has kept me content...even though we never seem to say the right things. All I want right now is to stop the games & just be unrestrained when it comes to each other. I don't even need you to tell me you feel the way I feel; all I'm asking for is the peace of mind that you can give me by reassuring my choice...with whichever method you choose to. Now can you please do that for me??
My future
See "My present".
Note: This entry took me almost a day to complete...the feelings were just too raw for me to capture them precisely into words. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much I did writing it, even if you weren't part of the intended audience.
My past
This might sound surprising to you, but it is in fact coming straight from my heart: I thought you two were gonna last forever. That's right, the eternal cynic actually saw in two individuals love that could pass the test of time. And of all people, these two were the ones who hurt him, betrayed him, & shamed him even when he was already left defenseless. You two were one of a kind...so alike, that I didn't think you could find anybody else who'd understand each other more. And that's why I was genuinely surprised when I found out that you guys are, well, no longer. I guess that means we can be friends again. Alright, so that was a lie...in the sense that, I never stopped considering you my friend. I just didn't see the point in us talking again - our lives have become so different & distinct ever since high school ended, that I don't think we can chatter the way we used to (re: the days when we would talk about absolutely nothing & everything on ICQ 'till 1 or 2 every night). Though I must say I do miss hanging out with you, 'cause we did have a lot of fun together. Sometimes I still want to have a chat or two just to let you know how I'm doing & have you do the same. Who knows, maybe in the near future, our paths will meet again, & you will see that I still care for you...just in a different way.
My present
Man, never have I worked so hard to be with somebody. There's one thing that you should know about me: I'm very, VERY easily deterred. If effort needs to be made to achieve something (especially in the course of love), I usually back out before you can say "go". But this time, despite not knowing where we are heading, or whether we are heading anywhere at all, I still went for it. So far, you've been a great sport & being with you has kept me content...even though we never seem to say the right things. All I want right now is to stop the games & just be unrestrained when it comes to each other. I don't even need you to tell me you feel the way I feel; all I'm asking for is the peace of mind that you can give me by reassuring my choice...with whichever method you choose to. Now can you please do that for me??
My future
See "My present".
Note: This entry took me almost a day to complete...the feelings were just too raw for me to capture them precisely into words. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much I did writing it, even if you weren't part of the intended audience.
5.03.2004
It's In My Genes
I love DNA. It's like, the coolest thing ever. Okay that sounded ditzy but honestly, I have no idea how & why I've grown to have such a passion for it...all I can remember is that one day, after bio class in gr. 11, I realized how much I enjoyed learning about genes & genetics. And from then on, I've been aiming to get into a genetics program in university. And I did exactly that. I guess I'd consider myself one of the fortunate ones who still love their program by the end of 2nd year. It's turned out to be EXACTLY what I expected (alright maybe except BIO260...that course was shitty), & I can't be more grateful for that. Even biochem...I thought studying for the exam would kill me. After all, studying for the tests did, & now I have to learn 4 times the material. But what do you know...I'm having such a kick outta learning all about nucleic acids & DNA replication & the things alike, I REFUSE to move on & study the other 3 sections. xD And the preference becomes even more obvious when I have to force myself to learn amino acid synthesis (taught as one section along with DNA)...it's so painful that I'm now here blogging instead. xP Ahhh this has been a long journey...2 more days, & 2nd year will be history. I can't wait to see how it ends.
P.S. You know what I'd really like?? A CD rack that's designed like a B-DNA double helix...the "base pairs" can form the slots for you to put the CDs in...wouldn't that be cool?? (I'm such a geek...xD I once watched While You Were Out on TLC & they made special "chromosome" fluorescent lights AND cushions for this geneticist's house...been wanting them ever since)
I love DNA. It's like, the coolest thing ever. Okay that sounded ditzy but honestly, I have no idea how & why I've grown to have such a passion for it...all I can remember is that one day, after bio class in gr. 11, I realized how much I enjoyed learning about genes & genetics. And from then on, I've been aiming to get into a genetics program in university. And I did exactly that. I guess I'd consider myself one of the fortunate ones who still love their program by the end of 2nd year. It's turned out to be EXACTLY what I expected (alright maybe except BIO260...that course was shitty), & I can't be more grateful for that. Even biochem...I thought studying for the exam would kill me. After all, studying for the tests did, & now I have to learn 4 times the material. But what do you know...I'm having such a kick outta learning all about nucleic acids & DNA replication & the things alike, I REFUSE to move on & study the other 3 sections. xD And the preference becomes even more obvious when I have to force myself to learn amino acid synthesis (taught as one section along with DNA)...it's so painful that I'm now here blogging instead. xP Ahhh this has been a long journey...2 more days, & 2nd year will be history. I can't wait to see how it ends.
P.S. You know what I'd really like?? A CD rack that's designed like a B-DNA double helix...the "base pairs" can form the slots for you to put the CDs in...wouldn't that be cool?? (I'm such a geek...xD I once watched While You Were Out on TLC & they made special "chromosome" fluorescent lights AND cushions for this geneticist's house...been wanting them ever since)
5.01.2004
Shall We Dance?
You know, I deserve a medal for the past 3 weeks. Never have I tried so hard to push all things aside & just concentrate on doing well in school. Never have I been able to isolate myself from you just for the sake of our better being. To me, that was the most difficult part of all...you can't imagine how many times I wanted to give in & just let it all out. Yes, this has been a liberating experience for me - I'm living my old, carefree life again. But at the same time I'm scared, scared that I'm doing ourselves a disfavour by acting this way. Sure, it takes two to Tango, I wasn't the only one making the choices. But I bet even you didn't expect us to go such distance, huh??
So what now?? I don't know. Guess we'll have to wait & see. This is gonna be one heck of a ride.
You know, I deserve a medal for the past 3 weeks. Never have I tried so hard to push all things aside & just concentrate on doing well in school. Never have I been able to isolate myself from you just for the sake of our better being. To me, that was the most difficult part of all...you can't imagine how many times I wanted to give in & just let it all out. Yes, this has been a liberating experience for me - I'm living my old, carefree life again. But at the same time I'm scared, scared that I'm doing ourselves a disfavour by acting this way. Sure, it takes two to Tango, I wasn't the only one making the choices. But I bet even you didn't expect us to go such distance, huh??
So what now?? I don't know. Guess we'll have to wait & see. This is gonna be one heck of a ride.
