Final Dash
Man, I really need to start studying. x_x Just spent another day NOT doing that...& now, apparently, I've been dragged into another dinner meet with my high school friends tomorrow. xP It was nice spending the rest of the afternoon at Fu's new house though (great cheesecake btw, dude you rule =D...& we DO love your kitchen ceiling "decor", lol)...haven't really chatted with them like this in a long time. If only I didn't have the thought of exams popping up in my mind every 5 minutes...<sigh> Anyway, my point is, I probably won't be online AT ALL (more than just abstinence from ICQ/MSN) for the next 2 days. I simply can't afford to...x_x So if you want to find me...DON'T. Save whatever you want to tell me for later. It shouldn't be too hard anyway since I don't think I'm all that important...xP

It's All So Symbolic
I FOUND IT. After days of raiding Toronto's malls, I finally found (& BOUGHT) what I've been looking for. The irony of it all?? I got it at SCARBOROUGH TOWN. Lol, that's right, the one thing I wanted has been right there, so close to me, all along. So this is exactly how it happened: somehow, I decided to go back to STC, hoping that they'd either renew their stock or maybe I was just being blind & didn't see it. Turns out, there WAS one left...just not placed with the rest of the others. I don't know what made me turn my head, but I did, & I spotted it right away. I of course ran straight to it, in fear of someone else grabbing it before I did (even though there wasn't a lot of ppl there anyway...=P). Got it, rejoiced like I never did before, & paid for it. Unfortunately, since it was the last one left, its condition wasn't all that great. But I fixed it up a bit & it looks fine now. So for one of you out there, expect a lil (& I do mean little) surprise present soon!!
P.S. Don't worry Katie & Winnie, I'll still be going to Square One to shop with you guys. I think. Kates you're picking me up right?? =P

Perseverance
Paid Promenade a visit today...& nope, not there either. =( And man, Thornhill is FAR. I'm not driving there ever again. =P
Speaking of far, Sauga is even more so. Now I'm not sure whether I'd risk going all the way to Square One just to find something that I might not even see. Don't got much free time to waste these days...
Though I still haven't given up yet...things are more valuable when you have to work for them.

Tasting My Own Medicine
Eaton Centre: negative
Next stop: Promenade
<sigh> I don't know what I'm more upset about - the fact that my orgo exam was a bitch, or the fact that I couldn't find what I was looking for. All I wanted was to bring a smile to someone I really care for...is that so much?? Is this what I get for breaking my pact with self??
Ah well, at least I know my next exam will be a breeze. It better be.

Moving From The (+) To The (- ) End
What would it be like to breeze through the first half of an exam, only to get stumped by the second half?? I shall find out on Thursday. (Damn I just hate everything about the cytoskeleton...=P)

Concentration 20
It's here - the "shit I'm not gonna have time to look everything over" feeling. I'm not worried...more like annoyed. Bah, whatever, with the exception of biochem (which I SHOULD have enough time to study for), I think I can pull off an acceptable mark without having to pull successive all-nighters. Right now, I just want to get my exams over with so I can START packing. It's gonna be fun trying to fit the immense amount of crap that I have into boxes. Weehoo.
2 more days. Right now I feel that it's not gonna be a good one. God, please surprise me (or amuse me, at least).
EDIT: Just got my first e-card (or card of any form)...thanks Jenn!! =)

What A Boy Wants
The sun is out again, & I'M GOING TO SEE CHRISTINA IN CONCERT!! (alright so the two aren't necessarily related, except that I'm just super happy about both...xD)
As my birthday present this year, my dad has decided to treat me to go watch Xtina. Being the big fan that I am, I of course said yes at an instant. The only problem was that I didn't want to go alone (or with my parents, for that matter...=P), so I had to ask around. And what do you know, all my friends love Xtina!! xD So yes, I already got my gang (maxed out actually), & right now we're all good to go!! Ahhhhh this is so exciting. I've been a fan of hers since "Genie In A Bottle". Even after her "controversial" transformation, I still love her. In fact, I've grown to love her more...although I must say I'm not that fond of her black hair image. She looks shitty. But her voice is what captured me, & you gotta admit she's still one heck of a singer. I CAN'T WAIT. Guess I should start "reviewing" my Xtina songs (...what happened to studying??)...xP
EDIT: My dad rules. He knew the deadlines & everything better than I did, & he called just to make sure I got the tickets on time. And now, we have the best seats ever (okay maybe not the best, but close enough). <sniff> Thank you so much pop!!

Pathetic Fallacy
The weather's so horrible, it's dragging me right down with it. I feel listless, unmotivated, & depressed. This morning I could hardly smile...not to mention that my "situation" is worsening with every word that gets uttered. Geex.
Anyway, it got better after some "studying" with my friends. Now I can at least say that I'm cheered up & am all good for more cramming, except that I'm still very tired. So will probably nap after dinner & study after I wake up. Just stay up a lil, not a lot. That should work, right?? Since nobody's around (online) to distract me...

Defogged
Great friends are those who know just exactly what to say when you're feeling troubled. And tonight, a friend of mine did that for me. Mick, thank you for telling me what I needed to know...I can now at least put this aside for a while & concentrate on my studies first. I know you've only been supportive 'cause you're supportive of me...even though I'm clearly walking into a dead-end road, you still let me (lol). How ironic...last year, I was upset because I didn't get to; this year, because I GOT to.

Guilty Conscience
I should've just shut up & kept my thoughts to myself. What a selfish fuck I am.

When The Party's Over
Surprisingly, I didn't wake up with a hangover, nor did I barf the shit outta myself when I got home/in the middle of the night. Aside from some annoying, repetitive thoughts that were playing in my head, I actually had the greatest sleep in a long time. I guess I just drank/danced all the stress away...you know how when you drink, you reach a state in which you clearly know what you're doing, & KNOW it's pretty stupid, but would still do it anyway?? Lol ya that's exactly what I did last night. I think I talked & acted more "aggressively" (heh heh) than I normally would have. But I didn't think it was that embarrassing. At least I don't regret doing or saying anything. It's all good. =) What bothered me more though, is something that happened BEFORE the pubbing...trying really hard to get it outta my system...
If only it's like alcohol. Lots of water, lots of sleep, lots of tylenol, bam (& I didn't even need those this time). Too bad it's not that simple. This is gonna take a while.

From A To M
To avoid doing any work, I decided to read my blog archives. Then I realized that inadvertently, I've made this into a memoir of my university career. The timing was perfect - I started in August 2002, just a month before it all began. I was able to capture the last days of a life chapter & the genesis of another: the preparation, the anticipation, the transition...the confusion. If you actually spent the time to read through every single page (which I don't suggest you do unless you're on the edge of dying from boredom...then again, reading my blog might not help!! =P), you'd be able to see how I grew, both as an academic & as a person. And that, I think, is priceless. I wish I had done the same for my high school days, so that I would be able to see the mistakes I made & not repeat them again. In one way or other, having a blog has bettered my life, whether it's because it allows me to see my life through another perspective, or just simply 'cause it has provided me with a healthy medium to vent. And nothing beats knowing that your friends care enough to read about your problems...thanks guys!!
Some people find my blog fascinating. A friend of mine even went the distance of telling me that she'd rather have a test on my blog than on...what was it, chemistry?? Lol. I, on the other hand, just find it...me. There are the silly entries, the depressing ones, the socially-aware ones, the completely pointless ones, the "only I know what I'm talking about" ones...perfect description of who I am. Mostly happy, sometime sappy, very much crazy. =P A bit secretive/mysterious, but you'll get to learn all about me if I trust you enough. Then again, you can at least learn a lil just by being here. That's the beauty of it all.
P.S. This site was initially titled "Kakeru says...", which wasn't very original. Two months later, a sudden thought prompted me to change it to the current one. Just a show of hands...how many of you actually know what "fogged up window" stands for??

Untranslatable
Due to a scheduling conflict, I will not be able to take German next year. And it doesn't seem like I'll be able to it the year after, either. It kinda upsets me knowing that I'm now stuck in the middle of nowhere: yes I know the language, but not enough to speak & express myself fluently; I can read, but only to a limited scope; I can write, but it takes 4 hours to do one page...xP Just as the language is getting challenging, I have to back out, unwillingly. That still makes me a quitter, doesn't it (again, I don't like that). The most annoying part of all is I just found out yesterday that my GER100 prof, Maria, will be teaching 300 in the coming year. As I've mentioned many times before, she's simply the best. She made me love the language, the culture, & the classes. Now though, because I have to take MGY311 (also my passion...but still x_x), there is no way I can enrol in that course & still survive. I remember promising myself last year that if my German courses were to ever interfere with my specialist requirements, I'll drop them without thinking twice. But now, I actually AM thinking twice, lol. I guess I just never expected an end...& now that it's coming so abruptly, I'm having a hard time to accept it.
Anyway, on a semi-related manner, my current German prof has been fired. He told me casually a few days ago, & I felt so sorry for him I was left speechless. While he might not be the best teacher in the world (sometimes he confuses more than he explains), he is definitely the nicest & most considerate prof I've ever had. Unfortunately, his students often take advantage of that & tend to skip frequently (I'm guilty of this too...sorry Mark!!), thus the class attendence is usually...absurdly low (think 5-8). But I guess now that he's going off to London, his future will be brighter. He'll no longer have to be stuck at this dump otherwise known as UofT. =P His talents shall not be hindered. Mark, mach's gut!!