6.29.2003
Role Models
My parents are doing
it again - thinking that their son is getting laid, every single day. =P Before I went out tonight, my dad strongly implied that I should bring a condom. Oh yes he did. And now, since I came home with an ass full of melted butter (or I think it is), I had to wash my pants AND take another shower. I'm sure that just brought us another nice, "personal" chat during dinner tomorrow night. Oh how I look forward to it.
Kakeru @ 01:01 +



6.28.2003
Retaliation
Like always, gotta review Ayu's new song + PV when one comes out. This time, it's "ourselves" from her latest single "&".
The song: at first listen, I thought it was REALLY BoA-ish (all thanks to BOUNCEBACK, BoA's designated songwriter)...O_o Something I totally did not expect from Ayu, very different from her previous works. I wasn't particularly fond of it either, it just didn't hit me like some of her greater hits. However, once I've finished watching the PV, I fell in love with it. It's just so awesome & goes so well together with the visualizations Ayu brought to us. I simply can't stop listening to it now.
The PV: here's a "typical" Ayu PV - 1. it freaks ppl out; 2. it gets you thinking; 3. it features a lot of Caucasians; and 4. it's got elements that resemble another music video. First off, Ayu looks VERY much like Christina Aguilera in "Fighter", from the outfit to the hair to the body movements. But other than that, the black Ayu in "ourselves" doesn't really resemble Xtina's in any other way. The meaning's obviously different, even though I'm still trying to figure out what or whom Ayu's trying to portray with that character...=P Anyway, from what I've perceived, this PV is more or less Ayu's way of fighting back the animosity that's been directed towards her lately. The video is about a bunch of psychos (!!) trying to destroy her, literally. What's really mind-boggling though, is that all these "haters" wear "Ayu-masks", so they look exactly like her. Here's my humble guess of what she's trying to say: either 1. the faces are the haters' way of mocking her, or 2. Ayu will destroy herself before anyone else does. Now, knowing how Ayu sees her career, I am leaning towards the second guess. I LOVE the PV, but at the same time I felt really bad for her while watching it because I can see just how hard it must be to be on top when more & more ppl are trying to pull you down. Then again, I'm sure she expected all this; & as a star of such fame, it's inevitable.
Oh I just love how Ayu gets my mind going after seeing her PVs. It's one of my reasons to live...xD
Kakeru @ 13:03 +



6.26.2003
Enlightened
Bah, now I might have to change my schedule a lil 'cause my prof just told me today that she'll be teaching the evening GER200 lectures next year (she's the best, I tell ya). On top of that, she also mentioned that one of the two morning classes comes with an absolutely horrendous prof, so bad that ANYONE will drop it. =P Ahhh what to do...I don't wanna stay downtown 'till 8 every other day...x_x
Either way, I had a great time chatting with her & my fellow classmates for about an hour under the HELLISH HOT SUN outside a pub right after our class ended. Sure got to learn quite a bit about them.
P.S. The new Blogger layout is very chic...love it. =)
Kakeru @ 15:40 +



6.23.2003
Inexplicable Joy
I'M IN, I'M IN!!!!! Molecular genetics accepted me!! Woohoohoo!! =D
My
proposed schedule can finally be put to use!!
Kakeru @ 23:23 +



Ground Zero
I love the subway. It is the place, for me at least, of meditation & inspiration. Just this morning, as the train passed the above-ground segment between Warden & Victoria Park, I wondered: these buildings, these trees, & these stations that I now see all seem so familiar; and indeed they were, as I see them day after day. Then I thought, "Will I ever set foot on these 'familiar' grounds of mine??" That's when it struck me - like people that we see everyday, we often assume that we know them, just because of our acquaintance; when in fact, we've never stepped anywhere deeper than the surface. Obviously enough, there are those who clearly brand their hearts with signs of "Do Not Enter", or even worse, guard them with electric fences. But that's not everybody...& HOW would we know they indeed wear an amour of emotional indifference if we were to never look past the face??
Oh, & you guessed it - this entry was written on the subway. =)
Kakeru @ 13:56 +



6.22.2003
It's Where You Live
Just two shots of the beautiful Toronto landscape that I took yesterday...^^ (I'm using the first one as my wallpaper btw, hehe)

[On the ferry...][A closer look]

Kakeru @ 16:52 +



6.21.2003
Gaining Through Losing
I might not have gotten too far in love, but today I took heaps further in friendship. I'm truly grateful for being able to talk to two of my closest friends so personally, with so much heart & thoughts. Haven't done that for a long time, & I miss that feeling. Thanks for making me realize that I'll never be alone. =)
Though I still want that someone out there to know that I went through 2 hours of TTC, an hour of ferry queue, & 3 hours of hot sun just for you. Now don't you feel special.
Kakeru @ 20:54 +



6.20.2003
Solo & So Low
All of a sudden, my German class is getting so demanding...O_o So much work but so little time. And it just had to be this week that I have to spare two days for myself (one for my teacher's retirement party, which was yesterday, & another for dragonboat, that'd be tomorrow)...oh, the irony. Adding all this stress to the anxiety of a possible rejection (I'm finding out whether I got into my program of choice next Friday) brings a very ugly picture...<sigh>
Kakeru @ 18:03 +



6.18.2003
Keep Going
Apparently, my "dressing in light colours" plan isn't working - I still look older than my real age. x_x Today, as I was happily enjoying my delicious hotdog outside Sid Smith, this girl came by to ask me if I'd participate in a survey. Feeling good, I said, "sure, ask ahead."
Her first question was, "so, are you in 4th year...or 3rd??"
I almost choked on my hotdog. =P
Kakeru @ 15:21 +



6.17.2003
Too Close For Comfort
I kept my
promise to self....=P Though I didn't do as well on the test as I had hoped...I just had to pick the wrong answer out of two possible choices (on more than one occasion too). Boo. O_o
Kakeru @ 11:07 +



6.16.2003
Teary
You know what's the best feeling on Earth?? The feeling of recovering something that you thought you've lost forever. Throughout the past school year I've been working towards one single goal - to get the outstanding achievement certificate from my bio course (of which is given to those who receives a final grade of A+). I had a pretty stiff hold of it in the first term, so the thought of not getting it hardly crossed my mind. When the third test hit though (one that made me fall asleep), I immediately felt threatened. The resulting mark was WAY out of the safe zone, & I freaked out. I realized that unless I did absolutely fuckinlutely amazing on the last test, the certificate would be gone. The panick didn't do me any good though - I did just slightly better on my fourth test. Saddened, but unsurprised, I knew I was out of the game. It was probably the most disappointing moment of the whole year, & for a while there I avoided the bio message board just simply because there was a topic talking about the certificates...
Well, guess what arrived in the mail today?? xD
Kakeru @ 17:38 +



6.14.2003
Another Baby
I was bored, so I spent pretty much the whole afternoon working on
this. Who knows, maybe one day it'll turn out to be a site on its own, just like this one...=)
Kakeru @ 22:46 +



6.13.2003
Triskaidekaphobia
I've had my dose of bad luck for this Friday the 13th. Got my "Mahou no kotoba" single today, was all jolly about it until I found out that the jewel case was cracked (& I mean CRACKED). x_x Went back to ask the saleslady if they had another copy, she said no, it was sold out since the single already got here a few days ago. Now THAT, really pissed me off...I mean, if I were to go yesterday or the day before, I probably would've gotten a perfect copy, instead of stuck here with this piece of crap that I can't even open without one side coming off. And to think that I'm a regular customer (they know me on a first-name basis!! O_O) yet still getting such treatment is just excruciating (she was very nice about it though...apologized many times, & then gave me a $1 coupon...yay, what am I gonna do with that??)...& now I can't even watch the bonus DVD 'cause my DVD-rom is going berserk...fuck.
Sometimes I feel stupid & ungrateful for getting upset over the smallest things. But I can't help it...so bin ich eben.
EDIT: Ehhh...I just realized that the coupon I received isn't worth JUST $1...there are two of them, PLUS a free poster AND a $10 karaoke coupon...alright, so maybe it wasn't so bad after all...=P
Kakeru @ 14:19 +



6.12.2003
Real Me
Got this from
ShuiMei's blog...
Pick an artist and answer only using that artist's song titles.
My artist: Hamasaki Ayumi (obvious choice)
01. Are you male or female? M
02. Describe yourself: independent
03. How do some people feel about you? FRIEND, Trust
04. How do you feel about yourself? Connected
05. Describe an old love interest: Trauma, SCAR, Over (lol I'm SO bitter)
06. Describe your current love interest: Dearest
07. Where are you? still alone
08. Where would you rather be? everywhere nowhere
09. Describe what you want to be: Fly high
10. Describe how you live: Free & Easy, ever free
11. Describe how you love: LOVE~Destiny~
12. Share a few words of wisdom: no more words
(just a note...even the title of this entry is an Ayu song, hehehe)
Kakeru @ 22:38 +



All Or Nothing
I'm making a pact with myself - here, right now, & in front of however many people reading this blog. On my first German test next Monday, I MUST not, & WILL not, get any of the adjective endings wrong. That's right, nominative, accusative, der-words, ein-words, come ahead!! I'm not intimidated by any of you!! xP
Kakeru @ 18:27 +



6.10.2003
Detour
Great, now everyone's going to the dragonboat race. Screw that, I'm not going. Fuck the anticipation, fuck the premonition, I'm staying home.
(Alright, so that's a lie...still, I'm gonna go incognito; my blonde wig is gonna come in real handy this time. xD)
Kakeru @ 22:46 +



6.08.2003
Haven
We have a very busy backyard -
cats, squirrels, birds, even bunnies, love to hang around there. There's something about the much-abandoned field that makes it animal-friendly. It's really a tragedy that we'll be moving soon & that our new backyard won't be even a quarter of what we now enjoy. Oh, did I mention there are also groundhogs?? =P (My parents love him...he was here last year too, & apparently he found his way "home" after a long, peaceful winter hibernation. My mom, especially, is very much amazed by that fact)

[Oooh, peanuts!]
[Waaa, even more peanuts!]

Kakeru @ 19:42 +



6.06.2003
Table For One
Why is it that everytime I go to a semi-fine restaurant for lunch alone, I get glares that scream "you don't belong"?? Is there a law that prohibits loners from eating by themselves?? =P
Kakeru @ 16:14 +



6.05.2003
Kodak Moment
My Ayu site,
[A] -The Lyrics of Hamasaki Ayumi-, has just reached 200,000 hits. I must say that I never saw this day coming...but it feels good alright. =D
Here's a lil history on the site: originally, it was just a way of killing time during Christmas 1999. I never wanted to make the site public actually, in fear of harsh criticisms. Then somehow, it ended up on my @Home server (it wasn't even Rogers back then)...I also included a counter just to see how quickly ppl would hear about it. At first it was slow, of course, maybe maximum 10 hits per day. I have no idea how those visitors found my site, but they did anyway. My initial vision of the site was a one-stop webbie for all Ayu fans, such that if they wanted the lyrics to any song that she's sung, they won't have to go anywhere else. But [A] turned out to be more than that. For a while there, it was THE place to download Ayu's CMs (that'd be commercials for those unacquainted with the Japanese culture...^^;). So many ppl have told me that my site was the main source of their CM collections. And that, made me proud. =D I was really happy that so many individuals got to enjoy Ayu's presence at the same time I did...that feeling is ineffable. Later on, I even added some live performances of hers, which only made the site all the more popular. The good times didn't last long though - once Homestead decided to delete all my files, I knew I was in trouble. =P Ever since, I've never been able to reupload my whole CM collection, one of my biggest regrets I would say. I'm still hoping for the day when I can afford my own server & be able to upload everything, just so that anybody who's as hardcore as I am can share my passion. But heck, I don't even know if Ayu will still be around by then. Ah well. =P Now back to the site...after the peak, I kinda gave up on it. For the remaining 2 years, I only updated whenever I felt like it. I sorta lost the motivation to keep it up, but something tells me that I shouldn't take it down...at least not yet. Then in the summer of last year, when I had absolutely nothing to do, I decided to give the site a new look...which I never finished, as you can see if you've checked it out. xD It's not even HALF done...all I did was the control panel, & it looks so weird 'cause it doesn't fit the rest of the site. Whoops. =P Maybe one day I'll finish it up. Possibly the day before I take the whole site down, just for the heck of closure, lol.
I've gained so much from [A]...got to know a lot of nice & cool ppl that I otherwise wouldn't have. Nothing makes me feel better than a simple statement like "I visit your site all the time"...it lets me know that my goal has been achieved. And I like that. =D
Kakeru @ 18:46 +



6.04.2003
South Of The 38
Listening to BoA's "The Lights of Seoul" reminds me of my trip to Korea 12 years ago. I was 8 back then...EXACTLY 8 since I went on my birthday. ^^ It was the Easter long weekend, & because my dad had cheap tickets, my parents decided to take me to Seoul as a present. It's been a while, but there are a few things that I clearly remember about the city: rude men, heavily powdered women, red rice, & ginseng chicken soup. xD The first two are pretty much self-explanatory, & they also explain why for a while there, I "kinda" disliked Koreans. <ahem...lol> Red rice because almost everything we ate was spicy/kimchi-fied...I think it got to the point where we had to settle with fast food in the end. =P As for the ginseng chicken soup...well, that's a Korean delicacy, & I must say I really enjoyed it. I still remember though that the day after, my nose bled like mad as a result of having too much ginseng. xD Korea was, interestingly, also where I first had Korean BBQ. We were told that beef was quite expensive in the country, & therefore, all we had was pork. Yet, as dull as that might sound, it was actually one of the best meals I've ever had. I think it's the atmosphere plus its significance that really enhanced the taste of the food.
Other than what I just mentioned, I only have slight memories of the place.
Lotte World was an interesting theme park, but nothing compared to Disneyland or what not. Lots of shopping I also recall...I got some really cute socks which I think are still in my closet. =D It wasn't the best trip, but memorable I'd say. Oh one more thing...there were no meals on the plane when we flew back to Hong Kong, so we were starving once we landed...we had to rush to the market near our house to get fishball noodles. xD
P.S. I don't know about now, but when I went, Seoul's airport had gotta be the ugliest one I've been to...=P It stank too!!
Kakeru @ 14:33 +



6.03.2003
You Can Run, But You Can't Hide
Sometimes the little things in life really make me ponder the existence of fate. Say today, just when I wasn't feeling particularly fond of my German class (okay, so I was bored outta my mind & wanted to walk out midway), I happened to sit beside a lady who was reading on the subway. Now initially I didn't plan to take that seat...a lil hesitation plus deliberation put my ass on that red backbreaker. My frowning persisted until I found out what she was reading; I laughed, actually.
It was a German magazine.
Kakeru @ 17:44 +



6.01.2003
Zimmer Shimmer
So I was bored, & figured that I haven't updated my blog for days, might as well do something to spice it up. Guess what this is. =P (click for larger image & the referential numbers)

[Kakeru's room!]

1. stuff I bought from Japan in 2001 (except for the bunny & the name block...which coincidentally, is kinda blurred out in this picture...xD)
2. clearly I'm still in the X-Men phase
3. post-it reminding me how to type the umlauted German vowels
4. yellow Gap jacket that made its first appearance in the April 10 entry
5. current read: Astrology for Beginners
6. lava lamp that I haven't used for as long as I can remember
7. mirror of Mary & Jesus from my Godfather (the religious kind =P)
8. Maddog's feeding place (aka my MD charger)
If you've got a question about any other object in the picture, ask...you MIGHT get an answer. <rolls eyes>
Kakeru @ 16:10 +


fogged up window version 6.0
"road to infinity"


fellow grudgers
[+] andrew
[+] daisy
[+] diana
[+] jennifer
[+] katie
[+] keith
[+] kevin
[+] kyren
[+] mickie
[+] nelson
[+] rita
[+] ruth
[+] stefanie
[+] tary


soul searching
last.fm
flickr


ride the rocket
lyrics of ayumi
ayumi hamasaki
do as infinity
hitomi yaida
namie amuro
exile
field of dreams
university of toronto


time machine