1.09.2010
Out Of Sync
If there's one thing that I've learned I was forced to learn in the past year, it's that if others don't appreciate you for what you've done, there's no need to get upset or force gratitude. You do what you feel is best for the situation, & if people happen to not recognize the effort you've put in, it doesn't take away from your most sincere intentions. And rest assured, there will be those who take to heart everything that you've done for them, & who in return offer a helping hand whenever you need one. The key to happiness is to surround yourself with the latter, & not be deterred when you encounter more of the former. People may come & go, but it's nice knowing that even if they do end up going, you've tried your hardest to leave an impression in their lives.
Kakeru @ 17:04



12.31.2009
The Element of Freedom
Just didn't feel right ending 2009 without one final blog entry...
This was a great year for me, both professionally & personally, & I've made such progress in so many aspects of my life I can't even begin to describe them all. I can honestly say that I've lived the past 12 months to the fullest, & I've more or less done everything I thought I'd do, & then some. The biggest achievement, however, came only within the past month - it was a drastic change in mindset that has liberated me from the emotional burdens I've had since I was a teenager. Now I no longer need the affirmation of someone else to feel important, 'cause I've learnt to do it on my own. I've also come to realize that I DO enjoy having the privilege of choice, & it excites me knowing that endless possibilities lie ahead. Sure, there were things I wish I'd handled differently, & looking back, there is one situation in particular where I'd like a do-over; even though there might still be a chance to correct it, I don't know if I want to, 'cause I kinda like where I am right now. Guess I'll just let things unfold on their own & see where they take me.
At this point I'd like to thank everyone who's come across my path this year, as every single one of you has made me a different, hopefully better, person after 2009. It's amazing how transforming these 12 months were, & even if I never get to experience this again, I'll always be grateful that I was once such a lucky bastard. ;)
Kakeru @ 22:50



10.26.2009
Nosedive
This is probably the most pathetic rant this blog has ever seen (& possibly will EVER see...& if you've been a long time reader, you'll know that such is a tough achievement, lol), but please bear with me here as I'm being driven to the walls about it - I'm extremely upset that I have used up my bottle of Armani Black Code¹ cologne. Why is that so upsetting, you ask?? Well, first of all, ever since I bought my first bottle of cologne in high school, to the point that I now own 4, I have never used up a single one of them. In fact, the other 3 are still at least half full. Then what makes this one different?? Simple - 'cause I love it. No other fragrance has caught my senses (literally) like this, & I still remember how & from where I first smelled the scent of Armani Black Code - it was in an issue of Time magazine, inside one of those sample attachments that were so popular back in the day. And as soon as I smelled it I knew I had to get it. I didn't get it immediately though 'cause, after all, it was Armani & it was ridiculously overpriced for a small bottle. Luckily, not too long after I stumbled upon a
cosmetics sale (yes Claudia, for the last time, IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS, lol) & was able to grab one at about 30% off the regular price. But even then I only managed to get the smaller one 'cause I was still dirt poor at the time, lol...& I've been using that bottle ever since. The sad thing is, I went to the same sale just this past May & at that time it didn't occur me I should've bought another one just in case, 'cause, again, I've never used up cologne before!! So this is all new to me, I was flabbergasted when NOTHING came out & all I heard was this sad lil gassy sound that sprayed out scentless air. It was a state of disbelief & utter shock, I tell ya...wearing it has become such a habit to me now that it's literally become a part of my being (stop it, I'm serious, lol). I almost feel like I'm going out naked without wearing it, it's part of my gear (kinda like my ring) & I simply feel uncomfortable leaving the house without it. Unfortunately that is what I've had to do for the past couple of weeks, & I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. I even tried going back to my previous favourite, CK Eternity, & I swear to God that ONE day I wore it, I was so miserable just smelling it off myself I looked like I was eating shit the entire fucking day. Since then I've been wearing nothing & just hoping that my natural scent will be pleasant enough to attract others (oh God I can't even say that out loud without cringing...lol). So the next sale is in late November, meaning that I'll have at least 3 more weeks to tough this out. There is not enough luck in this world to have me get through this without me going insane. And such is (my high-maintenance, unnecessarily dramatic) life. xP
¹: In case you were wondering why I type it out like that, it's 'cause the name has now changed from Black Code to just Code. Don't ask why but I think the reasoning is pretty clear, lol. See I've been using it long enough to own a bottle with the original name!! UGH.
Kakeru @ 22:42



10.03.2009
Fit For A King
Many people often wonder why I love tennis so much; that, of all sports, I'm obsessed with the one that features a fuzzy green lil ball being hit back & forth by catgut (yes, in case you didn't know, that's what most professional racquet strings are made of, lol). I honestly can't pinpoint the exact reason why, but I can sure tell you what I love so much about the sport. First off, I love the contradictions of it - it is often deemed a "graceful sport", yet you have players who consistently hit powerful serves that are over 170 km/h (& not to mention
this); it is where traditions like curtsying to the Queen at Centre Court & cutting-edge technology like Hawk-Eye coexist; it is where playing your best in the period of two weeks to win a Slam is considered more important than doing it year-long; & it is where the quiet, skillful Maestro¹­ can conquer a world full of feisty, fist-pumping challengers. In addition to that, I also love the instant gratification I get from it; points, in general, are short & emphatic, so dull moments are quickly erased as soon as a great shot is hit. And believe me, some of these shots can be so amazing that they could draw the world to its feet. But what I really love the most about the game lies in playing it. You have no idea how difficult it really is to master tennis until you've actually played it yourself. Once off the racquet, the ball takes a life of its own, & most professionals spend their lifetime trying to gain the most control on the ball as it is humanly possible. For that reason, I have such admiration for them & at the same time, I'm inspired to try to do the same. There is nothing (well maybe except for food =P) that I love more than the feeling of a tennis ball bouncing off the centre of my racquet; as I see the ball move off into the court, I get this natural high that just can't be explained in words. I really wish I'd get to play it more often, but due to various factors (such as lack of time & a partner) I'm unable to play as much as I'd like to. Everytime I drive by the tennis court near my house & see people play, I get saddened by the thought that I'm not doing the same. But now, just having lessons on the weekend is already enough to give me something to look forward to during the week; & sometimes, that is all I need to make life a lil less monotonous. =)
¹: Yes, Roger Federer is my HERO, in case anybody still had any doubts regarding that. xD
Kakeru @ 16:40



9.29.2009
Our Lips Are Sealed
Well, what can I say, I panicked; at that moment my mind was so consumed by that one thought (which was later shown to be false) that I just didn't know what to say or how to act. As I sat there, staring into blank space, I was actually laughing inside, both at myself & at how things have turned out. It was the scenario I'd hoped for all along, but the added twists made it anything but ideal...
For some reason though, I'm not deterred; a bit discouraged, maybe, but not deterred.
I know we'll get there.
Kakeru @ 23:06



9.27.2009
Altar Ego
I've already told a few people about this, but I think it's time to make the official announcement: I have been bestowed the position of best man at my God sister Julianna's wedding (!!). This was a pact made between me & her many, many years ago, even before we knew what dating really was, let alone serious relationships that lead to marriage. xP So I never really thought it was going to pan out, but apparently she's keen on keeping her word & who in their right mind would refuse such a great honour?? Since Jules lives in Victoria, I'll have to fly over & stay behind for a couple of weeks to fulfill my duties, & I CERTAINLY HAVE
NO PROBLEM WITH THAT, lol. In fact, I'm quite excited to visit her & her fiancé (whom I still haven't met in person) & spend some time under the beautiful BC summer weather. It would mark 10 years since I last visited the West Coast, would you believe that...
Anyway, I still can't quite grasp the responsibility that comes with being the best man. Just the other day, I was looking at wedding rings with Jules, & all of a sudden it dawned on me that I'll be the one who takes care of them until the ceremony. Instantly I felt such pressure I had to take a few deep breaths, lol. I'm also already freaking out over what to wear, what to get as a wedding gift, what to say for the toast, etc. etc. This is probably the most important wedding I've ever attend (aside from my own...& who knows if there'll ever be one LOL), so I want to make everything as perfect as possible to show how much it means to me. The wedding isn't until June of next year though, so I'll have about 9 more months to go crazy over it. Yay. xD
Kakeru @ 18:00



The Other Side
Accidentally stumbled upon the answer to a question that I've always wanted to ask, but was too afraid to ask...& now that I know what it is, why am I surprised?? Did I really think I was still hung up in the past, that I was still unable to break away from that certain someone?? I've definitely thought too lil of myself, not giving myself enough credit for all that I've done in the past few years. Shame on me for not believing in myself more.
Thank you Mick.
Thank you J.
Kakeru @ 00:48



9.12.2009
Rocking The Cradle
It's been almost a week since I came back from my trip to Boston, but I've only found the time to really sit down & write about it now, that's how hectic my life has been. =P To say this trip was much needed would be an understatement...
So a couple weeks ago, my dad suddenly came up with the idea that we should join one of those Chinese tours & go away on the Labour Day long weekend. Since I didn't want to rain on their parade & that I haven't gone
anywhere in years, I figured, why not. We quickly ran through the newspapers & thought the Boston whale-watching tour sounded good, & we also decided to invite my aunt to come along 'cause it would be more fun that way. Few days later, we were all signed up & ready to go. The week before the trip was rough; I worked 40 hours & didn't get much sleep, I literally didn't have time to pack until Friday night. Thankfully it was only 3 days so there wasn't much to pack, but I was constantly under the impression that I'd miss something under such a hurry. xP Either way, woke up at 5 the next morning, got on the bus at 6:45, & we were off to Boston.
The trip started off on a sour note, as I stupidly listened to my mom & had leftover congee for breakfast before boarding the bus. I ended up having to pee for the longest time, & due to time constraints, the tour bus wasn't going to stop anywhere for a bathroom break until we crossed the border. So for the next 3 hours, I was extremely uncomfortable, & I couldn't fall asleep 'cause I was afraid I'd pee my pants...xD Finally, when we were waiting at the customs 'cause a few of our non-Canadian tour mates had to deal with their visa issues, I couldn't hold it anymore & I asked the bus driver if I could use the bathroom at the back of bus. She was very nice about it, even though I knew that the bathroom was for emergency only. But trust me, THIS WAS ONE OF THOSE TIMES, lol. I tried to avoid eye contact with everyone else while walking to the back, but I could tell they were all staring. xD Finally I did my business & was able to start enjoying the trip.
The first day was pretty much just getting to Boston, & man, getting there on a bus was rough. It wasn't as bad as when we did our cross Canada trip years ago, but it still sucks for a tall person to be cramped into such a small seating space for 7, 8 hours. xP When we finally got to Boston, it was about 7 at night, & we immediately rushed to Harvard to sightsee. Harvard was...unimpressive, I'd say. You wouldn't think it's one of the most prestigious universities in the world if you weren't told explicitly that you were there. Even UofT is prettier. I was most disappointed with the fact that I didn't see any ivy on any of the buildings!! Lol. Next we drove off to Quincy Market, where we were to have dinner. There were SO MANY food stalls inside the market, I was in heaven...& most of them served Boston's famous seafood!! In the end, my parents & my aunt decided to have New England clam chowder soup that came in a huge bread bowl, & I ordered a haddock pie combo that also came with chowder from the same place. IT WAS DELICIOUS - the soup had just the right amount of sweetness & the clams were actually fresh clams!! Haddock pie was something that I've never had before, so when I saw it, I thought I'd try it out, & I'm so glad I did. Afterwards I figured I'd check out the place a bit more thoroughly to see if there were other foods that I wanted, & I found one that served raw oysters!! Despite being a bit pricey, I ordered half a dozen & THEY WERE ONCE AGAIN SO GOOD. I couldn't believe I was eating at a food court 'cause it really was one of the best meals I've had in a long time (yes, including Summerlicious). And you know nothing makes me happier than good food, hehe.
The next day was the headliner of the trip - whale-watching. Got up bright & early again, walked around the harbour & took a lot pictures of the Boston shoreline while waiting to board the boat. The weather was simply gorgeous; there was hardly any clouds in the sky & the temperature was cool. At around 8:30 we got onto the boat one by one & I immediately ran to the uppermost deck to catch the best view. I can't say this enough, so I'll say it again - THE VIEW WAS SPECTACULAR. I guess it was a combination of the fact that it's been a while since I've been out at sea & that the weather was perfect, but I haven't felt that sense of awe & amazement in ages. Once we were outside of the harbour, the boat started to speed up BIG TIME & it got REALLY REALLY windy. I'm talking about at least 100 km/h+, hurricane-calibre wind here, lol. My mom & my aunt just couldn't take it anymore so they went downstairs but my dad & I stayed put; I just wasn't going to give up my perfect spot!! Soon later though, not only did it get windy, the waves were also coming at us pretty strongly. The boat rocked back & forth, so bad that everyone had to use both hands to grab the rails to avoid falling. That was when we all kinda knew we wouldn't be able to make it farther out into the Atlantic, & minutes later, we were in fact told that we would be going back. I was a bit disappointed, no doubt, but it didn't matter much to me - I really had a fantastic time just being out there & looking at the vast ocean & all kinds of different structures. I've never felt so big & so small at the same time.
The free time we got from the aborted boat trip allowed us to roam around the city a bit more, & since Quincy Market was just down the block, we decided to go back there & check it out in more detail. It was nice to see the place again in the morning, where there was less people & we could really see things without having to push ourselves through crowds. Later on we had lunch at Chinatown, where we ate the world famous Boston lobster - just steamed, nothing else. It was, again, DELICIOUS, by far the best lobster I've had in my life. And I'm telling ya, I've had my share of lobsters (we have it pretty much every other week xP), so that's saying a lot, lol.
Next up we left Boston & headed for Rhode Island, where we were to see The Breakers, a summer house once lived by the Vanderbilts. The house was pretty, but I found the inside a bit too extravagant & its design a bit too random for my liking. It sure had a great view of the Atlantic though. Afterwards we left for MGM Grand at Foxwoods, Connecticut, a brand new casino hotel that's built in the middle of a forest inside a Native reserve. I was a bit disappointed when I got there...the hotel was, indeed, grand, but it was nothing compared to the MGM we stayed at in Las Vegas. And I really found it awkward that the place was really surrounded by NOTHING; it was trees all around & it felt more like we were stranded rather than isolated by choice...xP There wasn't much to see inside the three conjoining hotels either, & food selection was also very limited. We ended up eating at the foodcourt at MGM but surprisingly, the food was actually quite good. Seriously, not a single bad meal during this entire trip & I'm drooling just thinking about them again. xD
The last day was just about heading back to Toronto, with a midway stop at an outlet mall. Originally THIS was the part I most looked forward to, but by the time it came, I've had so much fun it just didn't matter anymore whether I bought stuff or not. In the end we only had 2 hours to spend at the place, which was far from enough, but with my efficiency I still managed to visit all the stores that I wanted to visit. The stuff wasn't especially nice or cheap, so I ended up only getting a sweater at Banana Republic & a pair of wool gloves from Ralph Lauren. I was more than content with them though, as they were both great buys...=)
This trip was a lot of fun, way more than I'd originally expected. Turns out, I really did need to get away & just break free from the routines of life, even if it was just a few days. To quote a cliché, I really do feel energized & ready to take on the world all over again...=)
Here are some of the many, many pictures that I took...since there were personal pictures this time around I've decided not to make my Picasa album free for all. You can ask me for the link if you want, but I'm sure by now everyone who reads this blog has seen it, lol.




Kakeru @ 19:30




the id
kakeru
(n.) ka·keh'·loo
compulsively eccentric
blogging since 2002/08


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